figuring it out
This is an extract from the Q&A page, telling the story of how Vera learned of the system. For an extended version of this for our singlet-sona’s perspective, see the post still thinking, still learning, still trying to understand.
In early 2020, we started therapy to get over some career and transition burnout we were going through. Something that had bothered Vera for some time was a lack of a concrete sense of self. Over time, they began working with our therapist to construct an Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of their “self”. While IFS posits the idea of a “true Self” underlying the various “parts” you name, Vera had a hard time determining what that “self” was. Over time, two “parts” that turned out to be major players were what they called “the logician” and “the storyteller”. While there were other named “parts” that had come up in their model, these two kept appearing in therapy conversations.
Over time, Vera grew concerned about derealization, and the growing feeling that the world around them had felt like a story they weren’t part of, and that they couldn’t make an impact on. Our therapist connected that “the storyteller” was creating fantastical motifs that were overtaking our collective imagination, and left little room for processing the outer world. They asked Vera if they could tell “the storyteller” about the world around them, and show them what it looked like to see through our eyes. After a moment to think about it, Vera was able to bring “the storyteller” forward, for a moment.
The resulting dread was palpable. “It was supposed to be a dream, a game,” we said to our therapist, relaying Ann’s feelings about seeing the world outside for likely the first time. It shook Vera to feel the emotion so fully, despite not feeling like it was “theirs”.
When describing the moment, we used the word “fronting” to our therapist, almost sardonically, having known some of the language of plurality already at that point. Our therapist clued in on that and convinced Vera to investigate further. In the following week, “the storyteller” revealed herself to be Ann, and she and Vera began to put together a proper headspace to work from. The space and Vera’s understanding of it and everyone in it has changed a lot over time, but there was no turning back from the shock of taking Ann to the front.